Oh, the places you'll go (on the internet)

DO BETTER: A rant

*Disclaimer: I’m not trying to speak for all PoC or queer folks or queer folks of color. Just saying how things seem from my perspective as someone inhabiting this particular intersection*

I saw a screenshot on my Tumblr dash earlier today of a Twitter site (I think called Homophobes?) dedicated to bringing attention to anti-queer statements and sentiments on Twitter. I noticed from looking at the icons of people making these disgusting (and often violent) comments that most of them were people of color. And that’s so disappointing. I mean, it’s disappointing when anyone, regardless of race or ethnicity, is a bigot. But when people of color are so explicitly anti-queer it only reinforces the stereotype that people of color hate gay people (since there are no gays of color?). It justifies the rhetoric promoted by Dan Savage and others like him that people of color are the main impediment to queer equality (THEY ARE WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!). (A funny aside about Dan Savage – when someone brought up to him that the mainstream gay movement’s focus on marriage equality might not be in the best interest of low-income folks of color, he responded with picture of a black lesbian couple that got married in DC. Since that totally reverses nuanced systemic issues. But I don’t want to make this a rant about Dan Savage because there are already plenty of those on the Tumblrz). It’s frustrating to have to admit that there are problems within our communities, especially while some white gays smugly pretend there are no problems in theirs.

I understand why this opposition to queerness exists in certain communities of color. First of all, they seem like such clashing identities. When I was first coming out in high school, I thought I had to choose whether to be Latin@ or gay. These two identities felt completely incongruous. When I share this part of my coming-out story in individual discussions or panels, usually white people laugh while people of color nod sadly. It seems like a fairly common experience for queer people of color. Learning that one of my mom’s best friends from high school was gay (I’m not the only gay Puerto Rican in the world!) was one of the factors that convinced me I was “allowed” to identify as a lesbian. It was only coming to college that I learned I could embrace and be part of both identities. What I’m trying to say is that queerness seems like a “white thing” in many communities of color. There are many, many more white gays showcased and celebrated in the mainstream media than folks of color, which only reinforces that. Some (straight) people of color even go so far as to equate queerness with white cultural imperialism. If being queer makes you more like the oppressor, it kind of makes sense that queer PoC would be resented, yeah? Not trying to justify it, just saying it could be a factor. Also, I think queer men of color face a lot of resentment in their communities because of some rigid standards of masculinity. Men in certain communities of color – in particular Black and Latin@ communities – are often expected to be hyper-masculine. It’s sort of a way of combating oppression and inequality (when you have a “don’t fuck with me” attitude, generally people don’t fuck with you). Queerness is then resented because it doesn’t fit with this hypermasculine ideal. Again, this isn’t my experience so I can’t speak definitively about it but it’s another idea.

Besides a perceived clash of identities, opposition to queerness in some communities of color may be related to churches and religion. Pseudo-research suggests that on a whole, people of color in the US (especially black and Latin@ folks) are more religious than white folks (which I assume is measured in part through church attendance).  I was raised Catholic so I grew up going to church every Sunday which eventually deteriorated into twice a year. (How did that happen?). Some people ask me if I stopped identifying as Catholic and chose not to be confirmed because I was gay. The answer is no – I didn’t face that problem because I had already left my faith before I even considered that I might like girls. But there are a great many people I’ve met – often other Latin@s – who do have that struggle. And it really is a struggle. It’s hard to explain to white Catholics who have only been to predominantly-white masses what it’s like going to a mass in Puerto Rico or a Spanish-speaking one in the states. It’s like a party. Even if you don’t know anyone there it feels like you could become best friends. For many people of color, church is about more than religion – it’s a social network. When my grandmother was excommunicated from the church (I’m not going to get into that story now) it was devastating. She lost almost all her friends and her main support system. Churches also transcend faith and religiosity in that they are often hubs of community progressive action. Churches serve as safe(r) spaces for people of color to meet and organize when the rest of the world is so white-dominated and often hostile. I mean hell, look at the Civil Rights Movement. The most famous leader was a pastor. I’m not trying to argue that the Catholic Church and many church goers aren’t homo-bigoted. If a church preaches hate, it’s likely to sink in at least a little bit with some parishioners, even if they’re not there for just the religion. And if you’re a straight person of color and you have to choose between coming out for gay rights and being ostracized by your social support system I can understand why bigotry seems like the more attractive option. But when white gay folks condemn religion and churches in general and pose the gay rights movement as something that’s fundamentally in opposition with The Church, it’s alienating to a hell of a lot of people.

I’m not trying to excuse anti-queer sentiments among some straight PoC but I am trying to explain it. There are probably many more contributing factors that I’m not even thinking of at the moment and have no experience with. Yes, communities of color have issues that we need to deal with.

But that doesn’t negate the fact that the mainstream gay rights movement has issues of its own with regard to alienating queer people of color. Take note, white gays: when you say “those people” are the reason we lost marriage equality in California, it’s alienating. When you say churches are the enemy of the gay rights movement, it’s alienating. When you fail to recognize the intersection of queer and ethnic identities, it’s alienating. When you conveniently forget that people of color spearheaded the Stonewall Riots and otherwise ignore our contributions, it’s alienating. When you say things like “pink is the new black” or “the gay rights movement is the new civil rights movement” (which is appropriative and pretty offensive to me, mostly because it suggests that racism is over), it’s alienating.

Tl;dr:

STRAIGHT PEOPLE OF COLOR please take a walk in the shoes of your queer brothers and sisters. Imagine what it must be like facing opposition within all our communities. Check your privilege. If I can do it, so can you.

GAY WHITE PEOPLE please remember that “diversity” and “inclusion” are not just buzzwords. Listen to us – don’t scorn us – when we criticize the mainstream movement. Check your privilege.

Okay, rant over now.